So Injun Jim and I both have degrees in psychology. Thus, we are pseudo-experts in all things psychological, or at least we pretend to be. However, we have some points where our opinions diverge on matters waxing intellectual (it's not stupid that I have a pink teapot btw, Jim-bo) an this isn't one we've talk about specifically, so we'll see what he's got to say on the matter.
Let's backtrack a little. On our campus where we hail from, one professor holds the single most popular class of USD's "elite" history. Psych of Sexuality. People go into this class expecting to spend hours watching pornos and you do get to do that. You also get a sociological and historical wrap on what's been up with sex for a few centuries now. It's pretty interesting, mildly challenging (as in, you gotta either show up to class, get notes from someone, or read the book to get a B on the test- but not all 3), and always a fun social experiment. However, there is one topic that isn't gone into very much that's been all the rage especially in the last decade.
Sexual Addiction. The professor does kind of go over the basics of the "disorder","disease", whatever, but it's not really studied in depth. So for an independent study credit and because I was vaguely contemplating becoming a sex therapist for awhile, I decided to study up on it a bit. There seem to be two camps of study on it- those who say it's for real and those who don't. This isn't clear cut, like the case for drug and alcohol addiction. A lot of "sex addicts" suffer from a spectrum of symptoms that don't easily fall into one class or another in terms of mental illness. There are some sex addicts whose brain scans show similar patterns to those of drug addicts in terms of stimulation/pleasure/etc. Then there are those whose scans don't match up.
A few "leading experts" on sexual addiction say that it's harder to classify because it covers such a range of sexual deviance- the person who spend 8 hours looking at porn online to the person who compulsively cheats on their spouse, the list is apparently all encompassing. There is this sort of loose definition floating around that sexual addiction is merely "any sexual behaviors that disrupt normal order of behavior for most people regularly". Ok, sure, sure. So this loose definition is how people are able to get out of nasty divorce settlements- because they got caught doing the nasty- it's suddenly not a morality issue, it's a "disorder".
The reason this has gotten me so fired up is because I read a story in my latest Elle that kind of jerked at my heart strings. This woman fell in love with a guy who basically NEVER expressed interest in her sexually and then went to lukewarm sexual desire towards her, to "sudden" out of control sexual behavior . . . but not with her. With everything else with a vagina- real or not. He pretty much totally convinced her that he had this "disease", that it was ruining his life, that he needed her to stay by him.
Thank God she left him. But she left convinced that he really was a sex addict, that he had a sexual disorder, that he was gripped in the thralls of addiction. No. Nuh uh. Uh Uh. No way. I'm sorry but what that story described was a girl, insecure enough about herself to believe she wasn't worthy this mans carnivorous desires, who basically got had by a sleazebag. You cannot convince me of his addiction, you just cannot. I believe some pretty crazy things. I believe that one Christmas after my father passed away, I saw his ghost in my mother's house. I believe that plastic surgery and American Express black cards should be free for me, but you CAN NOT convince me that sexual addiction is real and that this poor girl was a helpless bystander to her man's addiction.
I do, however, believe that sexual compulsions signal underlying deeper issues. But as it being an addiction in and of itself, no way. Sorry Dr. Freud and sorry most popular professor on the USD campus. Sorry, also, to this poor woman. I feel so deeply for her. I hope she gets a little therapy so she realizes that what was happening was unacceptable, inexcusable behavior that she in now way deserved and that she learns healthy ways to express self respect and boundaries and demands respect from future lovers. There's no way that David Duchovny's Character on Californication "suddenly triggered a dark compulsion within himself". This is a man who got caught and is looking for a way out.
I realize how backwards my opinion may sound for someone with a psych degree. But remember, I decided not to become a counselor, but rather a nurse. Obviously I am better suited for practical application of psychology rather than intellectual. I am sure that somewhere there is a whole community of "sex addicts" or their "victims" that I am offending but I don't care. This isn't real. The problems that cause this behavior are rooted in something else. You cannot convince me of a disease that anyone and their dog can get that has such a vague definition that basically I would be considered a sex addict for deciding to try a brazilian wax.
I am so mad about this article. That poor woman let herself suffer at the hands of this dude with basically sociopathic relationship tendencies for years. Perhaps she's an addict herself, an addict to emotional drama. You don't see a listing for those people in the DSM but yet, they exist- people who seek out and crave toxic relationships. The worst part of the article is that she read some flimsy book that applied Al-Anon principles to a variety of crisis and decided that because he met some of the criteria in the book for an addictive personality that meant he must be a sex addict. News flash, we all have some tendencies towards addictive personality issues. EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD. She believes this guy.
Has anyone noticed that over 70% of "sex addicts" are men? I've got no issue with dudes. Three of my very close friends are men, and I get along well with most things that have a penis. So this isn't some sort of feminist war diatribe that I'm on. But I have noticed that men are less likely to own up to their stupidity and more likely to look for wacko excuses for inexcusable behavior. I remember a kid in my first through third grade classes who loved to cuss and repeatedly attempted to convince the teacher he had tourette's. Nevermind the poor girl in our class WHO DID have it and suffered horrific tics and insecurity that, I am sure lasts to this day, this little doofus did his darnedest to convince the teachers of his "disability". I wonder if he's a "sex addict" now.
There's no way I can issue a peace out on this issue. So I'm signing off as . . .
All Riled Up-
Chatterbox Sara and the Spawn
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