Presidential Debate

So I'm awake, at like a little after 6 am. I've been up since 1:30 or so. I just came off of a 3 day overnight stretch and i'm in a tailspin of mixed up sleep schedules that won't be remedied any time soon. I was going through deleting shows off my DVR because it was 70% full. To my suprise, I came across the presidential debate. In some subconscious state I must have set the dvr to record this monstrosity. so its 6:11 am and i've been watching this for a little over an hour now. I have alot of comments about this debate but I'll keep them to myself for now.

Okay so John McCain was making this heart-tugging point about a mother of a fallen soldier who gave McCain a braclet and said "dont let my son's death be in vain" or something to that effect. If you watched the debate, the point focused on failure in Iraq and war in Afganistan. So Obama was over at his podium squirming like a teachers pet who wants to tell on a fellow classmate who was passing a note. Instead of taking the opportunity to say something poignant, Obama lets out this gem "I've got a braclet too." I swear I heard stifled laughter in the audience. This speaks to the point about Obama I believe: Obama is (in his mind) ALWAYS right and that everyone else is wrong, how dare you question OBAMA (refer to the SNL skit). Obama is all about change and such but he's talking continuously about the past "I opposed this war from the beginning" because I made a speech about it and had no responsability or accountability to a constituency. McCain made a great point, he said the new president isn't going to make the decision to go into Iraq, he's going to make the decision on how to get out.

Obama has made his entire campaign about bashing Bush and this and that hasnt work. Hind sight is 20/20 and Obama has capitalized off of Bush's failing policies and popularity to propel himself into the Democratic candidate for president. Sure this critique of Bush shows the vast contrast between Obama and Bush BUT he's so consumed about talking about the past that his message about FUTURE change seems lost on me. Let me say this, when McCain gets going he really shines, during a spirited exchange McCains wit comes out. Obama has been coming off as naive and inexperienced. Give me a president who's been around the block a few times instead of a freshman senitor who's first term has yet to reach its finality and decides because everyone loves him that he needs to run for president. Its like people who like the Black Eyed Peas because its popular, not because they like the music. Supporting Obama is hip and in, forgive me for sounding like a 63 year old there but as I see it, thats the truth. Obama has all the answers, too bad he didnt have them before the war started or anything else.

Yum.

The chocolate cake we had tonite was divine. Sex and the City- The Movie- was totally divine and perfect. Now I am going to sleep and I pray that that will be divine too. Injun Jim rocks. He helped me pick out pug names. Chatterbox Sara rocks because, well, I have officially truly blown my voice and now I can't talk a dang bit. Sigh.

Peace out yo.

Chatterbox Sara

Got Bit by the Bug, the PUG BUG!

Ahem. Listen up Injun Jim. This is Chatterbox Sara here. I lead a busy life, boy. CLEARLY, if I am sooooo busy that I call you at 3:45 am because I am sleep deprived, that should clue you into the business that is the life of a Chatterbox. Okay. So, I just checkout our DVR and realized 64% of the space is used up and I just kind of sat there thinking, I don't even remember taping half of this and is this really what the enjpoyment in my life has become? Catching up on DVR'd programming? Sigh, I can just feel my ass expanding into lard-arific territory browsing that list. There's well over 24 hours worth of viewing recorded. DOes anyone remember that guy who broke the world record sitting wathcing tv for something like four or five days straight? I think I could outsit him anyday- except I'm terrified it would permanently damage brain synapses and I doubt I have any more of those I can really afford to lose?

I mean really, can I afford to lose brain cells? I already have enough natural disadvantages going on- I can't bear the thought of creating more. Sigh. We DVR'd the debate and will probably watch it tomorrow because tonight is devoted to SEX AND THE CITY- THE MOVIE and chocolate cake. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to watch this movie- when it first came to Verm-town I was totally sick with some other sinus infection/bronchitis type thing and couldn't go. Did I mention that I'm sick right now? With a sinus infection and apparently chest cold? My voice is so blown- I sound like one of those people with a trachea thingy- that they get because they have had throat cancer or whatever. Seriously, four different people have told me this. Today I blew my voice completely because I attempted to squeal with delight over seeing a great big gigantic Halloween Super Mega Store.

The great big gigantic Halloween Super Mega Store kicked ASS today. Seriously. They had a display thingie because they have great big displays that you can purchase for Haunted Houses or whatever. They had a Silence of The Lambs display- I mean how creepy and perfect do you get for a Haunted House? I love Halloween. I mean, really I love most any holiday because it gives me logical and valid reasoning to have theme-y decor and theme-y parties and eat a lot and have fun and give gifts. I love Halloween because y ou can include YOURSELF and dress in costumes! Whheeeeeee- does anyone really understand those losers who bitchily balk, "I don't dress up for Halloween." Harumph- you grumpy naysayers are just bitchy because probably when you were little somebody stole your bag of candy when you were trick or treating. Get over it. Last year my little family went as a Ghostbuster, Marie Antoinette, and a Fairy Witch. Guess which costume went with whom! This year, it's Wizard of Oz- I AM SO DAMNED EXCITED.

Ok, so I posted a while ago to say I started reading the books by Charlaine Harris that the show True Blood is based upon. I've read the first two and I must say that I am both anxiously and ambivalently awaiting the rest of the books in the series' arrival. is it possible to be both anious and ambivalent at the same time? Perhaps. I am anxious because usually, unless it's god awful, if I am reading a series- even if I lose passion for it- I like to finish it. I don't like to quit partway through anything. But I am ambivalent because these Southern Vampire Mystery books aren't ones that are really necessary for my existence and education into being a good human being. I will say that there is always some sort of totally unseen twist that goes along with the resolution of the mysteries in the first two books, so it's nice to be surprised. But will I be forever saddened if I perhaps didn't finish this series?

Nah. It's not that important of reading, it's really pretty mindless. See, I don't read anyone particular genre of books but I like what I read to be arresting, I like it to be on my mind throughout the day in some small form until I pick the book up again. These books really don't do that- it's all just kind of mindless. I do have one really negative thing to mention- the author really teeters back and forth between pornographic writing and subtly glancing over sex at other points. Theres some sex scenes that are truly five pages of panting and moaning and thrusting and biting and others where they just went into the bedroom with sly looks in their eyes. It's very weird. I don't really need over half of any book I read to be gratuitous sex weirdness but whatever. It's good for a giggle.

jim is right about the other day at coffee- I totally yammered nonstop. I didn't sleep, oh wait, still havent slept for several days due to this monstrous sinus infection that leaves me unable to breathe through my nose and barely breath through my mouth, hence I cannot sleep because I am not a mouth breather! oh and last night outside my window the symphony was playing. A symphony of screeching cicadas. God bless the fucking Midwest. The night before it was teenagers with fireworks. The night before that sinus grossness. today I'm seriously just wired from lack of sleep- I've been alternating between moving at hyper speed and laughing with manic like hysteria or just lying on the couch in a perpetual state of ennui. it's gross.

Also today when we were in Sioux Falls, we went to a pet store so Eva could pet the puppies and look at the fish and the birds and all that jazz. I fell in love. True love- deep and everlasting Bette Midler soft rock kind of love- 94.5 Delilah love. There were pugs. I have always thought pugs were cute but I own my dream dog- a cavalier king charles spaniel named Louis the 14th. I have always wanted to own a pug . . . . but not as badly as a cavalier . . . .but maybe someday. That someday is today. I want a pug. My friend Shan got a pug named Hugo recently and its adorable. These pugs were incredibly cute and adorable. Granted I won't buy pets from this pet store (not naming names) but I do know t he name and telephone of a reputable area breeder. I'm getting a pug. Eva squealed with delight over it. I sat there thinking, ooooh Louis really does need a brother. Eva even said she'd take a pug over a doll house for her birthday. That's really sayig something isn't it? Pug Bug, Pug Love Bug! I LOVE PUGS! Muah!

Peace out yo- it's time to spend some time with Carrie Bradshaw and a piece of cake and let my ass expand.

xoxo-
Chatterbox Sara

MADNESS

So work has been very odd lately. Not the usual madness but something different and somewhat creepy. I'm on alot of overtime and I need some consecutive days off SOON. I didn't watch the presidential debate last night because I was sleeping, in preparation for work. I bet it went something like this: both candidates said things that they've said before, not alot of specifics were given, Obama said alot of "Bush's third term" and McCain stressed his maverick status. Time was probably an issue, as both candidates wanted to talk more about various topics but the news networks need the money generated by ad sales so they most likely cut off both candidates. There were probably burst of applause and also some "boo"-ing going on as well. I do have one question, not because i'm racist, but at the beginning of the campaigns, there were how many democrats up on a stage crying out change and because Obama said it, HE is the one who can really bring change. The well oiled political machines are fast at work and Obama was obviously hand chosen to be the candidate since the last Dem convention. HOW ELSE CAN YOU EXPLAIN FLORIDA AND what other state, Michigan? or something.
There is way too much pandering, flip flopping and false attach ads on both sides. Both parties are guilty of everything they are charging the opposition with. I think I'm just going to sit this one out, I want more substance and experience in Obama and McCain's smile is a little too creepy for some reason. Voter's are picky and willing to vote based on looks rather than resume. I can't remember the specifics but in a psych class one time we discussed that alot of people voted for Bush II because he looked harmless and even resembled a monkey. With those big ears and that dumb smile, he kinda does. Fast forward to now, Obama, Big ears, big toothy grin. Coincidence? Maybe not.
I dont like MTV anymore, theres no music. Other channels like MTV Hits and Fuse fill that music void for me but I would still like a channel that is called MUSIC TELEVISION to actually show some god-damned music everynow and then. VH1 pisses me off too. with the America's Next Top Model marathons to the Flavor of Love and I love Money and I love New York and I love the (insert decade here) and the best week ever. Vh1, giving income to third-rate comedians who should really be touring college campuses and getting boo-ed at. They play music like what, all on overnight hours when only those of us who are up all night can watch them. The guy who lives in the apartment above me needs to tip-toe from now on. Seriously, the guy stomps around up there like a T-Rex and he must be deaf cuz when I'm trying to sleep at night, I can literally hear everyword coming from his TV. Well i'm tired of typing. perhaps SARA should blog some since this is SARA AND JIM'S blog, not just Jim's with guest blogger Sara. I'm just saying, for one who says she blogs alot, she doesn't blog alot. You all should have been at coffee yesterday morning. She talked non-stop.

The Matrix- Quotes

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133093/quotes

Enjoy.

Whoa.

xoxo-

Chatterbox Sara

JUNO IS HORRIBLE

Okay so Sara forced me into watching Juno with her the other evening because she couldn't handle work (haha). I just have two words for this movie, CHICK FLICK, seriously it is truely a chick flick. Everyone says "ohh its so funny, you'll like it Jim" the truth is, no, I really dont. I mean there are the clever lines throughout this movie but ultimately, the movie is more sap than substance. Juno's character is great but seriously, what sixteen year old has a life like that and is clever enough to be so witty. NONE OF THEM. Sixteen year olds are dumb, naive, and gullible. Needless to say, the whole tension between the potential adoptive father and Juno is dumb. I thought there was some underlying tension between them or perhaps the guy saw alot of himself in her but whatever, their relationship is way too odd for two people with such an age gap. Next in line, the whole frigid bitch of a wife that the Alias girl plays, I dont get it. So she just wants a kid? She's barren and feels incomplete and a failure? And whats with the whole implication or hints that sex between Juno and that guy was Juno's fault? Are they implying that he's gay or that he's not interested in sex? What sixteen year old guy isn't interested in sex? So ultimately, it had some funny points but I'm not really interested. Theres too much wit in some instances and too much of the whole chick flick feel to the film in others. What I do love is the hamburger phone, that thing is sweet and kicks ass. I want one. My birthday is coming up so you better get me one.

Next thing, WORK, i hate it. Not to give too many details, basically this, my work place is filled with too many people who are up on their high horses to admit when something should change. Quit pretending to be experts on things you have no idea about. They are self-absorbed, self-centered, and idiotic in some instances. Dont tell me you know everything when you have never been in my position. Don't spit on me and tell me its raining. Hire some people that might actually stand a chance of staying employed and give a damn for what they are doing. Don't hire people who are going to waste my and everyone else's time because in the end it just makes more work for the rest of us who are actually good at what we do. Don't pretend to give a rats ass about people but only see them as money. I'm way too intelligent and too talented to be wasting my time at such an institution where opportunitities for advancement are few and even then all you want is yes men. I love what i do but hate the people above me.

Thirdly, I need sleep. I've been contemplating my future and I'm being ambitious. In the near future, perhaps law school or a masters in public administration, or both. I want to continue on with school but have spent so much time pursuing an education that i'm worn out. I dont want to be an eternal student but fear that may be my ultimate endpoint. Alot of people say I'm an academic person, one who can teach but not actually do. Believe it or not I actually have a pair and am not afraid to use them when it comes down to it. In the current situation, why voice your opinion or be assertive if its not going to get you anywhere or never bring about change. I'm not one for exerting effort if it isn't fruitful. I think I could be a good administrator or attorney. I get my work done, I'm efficient, fair, and honest. I will never short change you nor will I backstab. I thought my path was in mental health but its way too time consuming and stressful. I'm quiet and consistent.

Forth, iTunes. Hi, my name is Jim and I'm an iTunes junky. I think its my one true vice. My mistress is iTunes and i'm okay with that. I find myself thinking about it when i'm driving or at work. I rush home to see if there are new songs or ones that I haven't heard and might want to buy. I mean I rush home to play hexic with Sara, okay so thats another area where I am spending way too much of what could be productive time playing this game. I'm attracted to all the colors, graphics, and sounds. It keeps my attention. iTunes isn't evil, its a necessity in my life. My iPod is filled with songs that define who I am. I'm ecclectic. When did the New Kids on the Block make a comeback? I thought they faded away with Zubaz pants and Starter Jackets. I was a dork I know but hey, i was with it as a kid - i was hip. I had all the weird early 90's clothes. Remember Garth Brooks? He was huge in country music back in the day. I miss Gumby and Bozo. I even have Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer on my iPod, i'm old school. I remember my brother liking Kiss way too much. I remember school when we didnt have computers and everyone used type writters, thats crazy. I remember using the internet for the first time and how slow it was compared to now. Man I feel old. Well my computer is trying to kick me off so it could restart after updating so I'm goin, I'M OUTTIE!! PEACE

Southern Vampire Mysteries Book 1- Chatterbox Sara

Ok so I bought the first three books of the series and have started reading the first one. I am not terribly annoyed by it thus far. Will report back more later. "I dunnn thunk Jeeezuuuuhhhhz woulda manded vampiiiiires."

Reasons to throw Injun Jim down a well . . . by Chatterbox Sara

Jim says I threatened to throw him down a well. This is an untrue statement. However, there may be reasons that would permit my use of extreme violence and punishment tactics on Injum Jim. I would like to offer those up so that we can all clarify what Jim would have to do to merit my disapproval.
Top Ten Reasons
10. Jim not wearing a pink polo whenever I commanded it.
9. Jim not wearing a headdress whenever I commanded it.
8. Jim not scalping people I specify for him to do so to.
7. Jim moving back to Gregory and moving into the trailer court near McDonald's.
6. Jim attempting to threaten me with a guillotine.
5. Jim stealing my pinto horse.
4. Jim smoking the peace pipe with my dweemo husband.
3. Jim wanting to marry my daughters.
2. Jim wanting to marry any son that would be unlucky enough to have me as a mother.
1. Jim stealing my whiskey or commodity cheese.

There. That should settle the doubts anyone may have about my violent tendencies towards Jim!

CORRECTION: I erroneously reported that Sara had read the books. I am here to say she hasn't read them but simply ordered them. I am sincerely sorry for having misled you guys and for any heartache Sara may have experienced as a result of my mistake. MY BAD Y'ALL

True Blood

So, where do I begin? Unlike Sara, i mean Chatterbox Sara, I haven't read any of the books BUT after seeing a few episodes of this show i am now an expert in the story and who cares if I read some book. ANYWAYS... "i wanna do bad things with you" This show is set in the South, where apparently intolerance of anything different still runs rampant (imagine that). I think this show is way too, whats the word, corny. Forget the eloquent bullshit and come right out and say it. I'm going to forego witty comparisons cuz I'm pretty sure I skipped over Sara's (sorry).

This show, in maybe what be one of its more accurate points, paints all southerners as being ignorant hicks who are full of misconceptions of vampires right? Basically insert any minority group and the show would basically be the same. Gays = you might catch his gayness if he touches you. need I go on? Ahh the south, where ignorance is bliss and you can make fun of people without offending them. So anyway ANNA PAQUIN IS RETARDED, opps i mean mentally challenged. She is such a bad actress in this role, and perhaps in every other role she's played, i dont know, I haven't seen anything else with her in it. Her accent is horrible and she comes off as clueless, exactly as Sara said, a Valley Girl trying to be southern.

So what else, oh the horny guy, yea is that completely necessary. It doesn't contribute to the story in any way. The gay line cook cracks me up and he needs more lines. The grandma seems clueless and senile. The whole undercurrent through the show of intolerance is lost on me. Granted, if written right, that part could play an integral role in the series but since its just background noise. The t.v. news scene where the Christian fundamentalist even refuses to talk to the woman from the American Vampire League is ridiculusly accurate. Now granted, I'm not one of those who go around saying Christ this and Jesus that, I'm not particularly religious but come on, seriously, if there were vampires the religious right would have to be against them. They're against anything that the bible tells them to be against.

SO to reiterate, ANNA PAQUIN IS A HORRIBLE ACTRESS, the series could probably better overall. The acting could be improved upon. I will follow this series about as much as I follow America's Next Top Model - which is ALOT (hah). I'm tired, its hard for me to write anything witty and funny but i promise, I get better folks. I drove all the way from my hometown to vermillion then absolutely HAD to blog for face the guillotine as Sara says. She orders me around and makes me do things most people dont even think of doing. Maybe I should fake my own death and I could escape her clutches. I could put out a fake news release to the papers, crash my car but i wont be in it. My funeral would be in my home town so she wouldnt make it. I could live in the trailer court by McDonalds and only walk there to get food and then to the corner gas station for smokes and beer. Oh My God or great spirit or whatever I believe in Sara said she's going to throw me down the well in her back yard and keep me prisoner there until I grant her 3 wishes. She's stalking me, She even said so. Call the FBI, I'm going to need it....

Chatterbox Sara's couch potato critique of True Blood

Ok, so Hi Hi Again! Injum Jim and I decided that our next blog posts would be about the new HBO "Sensational Show" True Blood. Here's a basic synopsis- True Blood is based on a series of books called The Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris. It centers around a romance between the heroine Sookie Stackhouse (for real thats the characters name) and her vampire paramour Bill Compton. Vampires are now "out of the closet" so to speak as a legit minority group because Japanese scientists have made a synthetic blood like beverage that vampires can drink instead of drinking human or animal blood. That's the little catch though- they don't NEED to drink human blood, but they can still WANT to- its a moral choice. Bill and Sookie live in a Louisianna bayou town called Bon Temps and there encounter all sorts of troubles as their romance progresses. Oh and Sookie is telepathic.

Soooo, I'm having a really hard time with this show. I mean, I really adore mindless brain trash. Hence, my rewatching of America's Next Top Model marathons on VH1 (sorry Injum Jim) antime it comes across my radar that its on. I also adore pseudo "deep" television viewing, well I mean who am I kidding- my ass isn't expanding on its own- clearly I watch too much tv. Ok, so I read the whole Twilight/Stephenie Meyer series. I even blogged on my other blog about its lameness. I mean, please, there are now little vigilante groups of stay at home mothers totally obsessed with the character Edward and how he is the "perfect man", and they are encouraging their daughters to obsess about these stupid damned books.

The cultish appeal of the Twilight saga books is lost on me. I get total mass media frenzy and I get being addicted to mainstream pop addictions- hello I read the Gossip Girls books like they were literature crack/cocaine. But I just could not get into the whole Twilight thing. Sadly, I am totally a sci-fi-fantasy fiction freak. Maybe the appeal of it all is lost on me because I don't get into any story line where people torture themselves and the person they love because of their "deep and profound" love for one another. I couldn't stand Wuthering Heights, or really anything by either of the Bronte sisters. Love is complicated, yes, but does one really need to be some sort of emotional fuck up just to experience deep and profound love? Do we really need to screw over every other aspect of our lives just to feel the "realness" of love?

I think not.

I think that that ideology is something that perpetuates higher than absolutely tolerable divorce rates in the Westernized world.

Yeah, go shoot me with your NRA approved guns. Then cut my hands off for voting in favor of abortion clinics.


Back to the topic at hand. True Blood. Conceptually, this show could go places. Really, its kind of cool. Simulated blood? New minority groups? Vampire/telepathic human love line? There's all sorts of cool places this could go. Sadly, I'm not sure it'll ever go anywhere cool. Why? Gawd, where do I start? Let me start with the wierd heavy handed innuendos that kind of associate vampire as the new "homosexuals coming out of the closet" application. I don't know that you can really view vampires- basically blood sucking undeads- to people who have struggled in their inner most parts of their souls with something that challenges their own assumptions of their identity and other peoples as well. I mean, this isn't Angels in America, people. This is southern bayou inbreds being prejudiced against vampires.

Oh and let me say that that is one of the more interesting tension points of the story line- a people riddled with insecurities and stigmas and stereotypes being against a minority group. But whereas that point could really go places, it just kind of falls flat and I think its because the strengths of the cast don't lie where they need to. Take the vampire paramour- Bill- this dude walked straight out of the Buffy the Vampire Acting School down to the local pharmacy to pick up some Ativan and then flushed the Ativan down the toilet just to feel a little more tortured. SEriously, he's brooding to the point of comical. I half expect a drumroll after each of his lines.

Then there's Anna Paquin. I believe Injun Jims going to wax poetic on her but lets just say that I think the character of Sookie (pronounced Suckie- snicker snicker) is probably much more amazing in Harris' books than Paquin's dramatic interpretation of this character. It's really clear that Paquin isn't Southern- her accent is atrocious. It's also really apparent that she should not be blonde, should not stick her butt out to walk, and should not attempt to get flustered in a rhetorically "Southern" way because she just kind of looks like a valley girl who is strung out that ate a bunch of pixie sticks.

The dialogue in this show is fairly humourous- I'm not sure in a good way though. There are parts that are genuinely witty- but those parts are usually from side characters, like her dimwitted lothario bro Jason or her spitfire best friend Tarah. In one of the episodes, Tarah waxes bitchily poetic on the fact that she is a black woman named after the Tarah plantation in Gone With the Wind- that was pretty funny in a literary geek kind of way. There is a part where Jason the loser lothario is banging some waitress and points to himself in the mirror and mouths "I'm the man!" that was really funny. There's a gay line cook at the bar that they work at that has a few too many zingers and a few too few moments onscreen. The opening credits are awesome- the song with some bum crooning "I want to do bad things to do" makes me want to pick up a banjo and strum it Deliverance style.

See, thats where this thing went wrong. Think about Deliverance- it really capitalized on stereotypes and grim humor and sadism. This show could take off if it went THERE- got down and dirty with the stereotypes and the shocking moments- all that jazz- instead of being some pseudo biblical allegory packaged under an otherworldly romance story line. Imagine if all the characters REALLY wear inbred and really did still partake in lynchings and if Sookie really did wear blue eyeshadow and booty shorts to church. Then we'd be going places.

As it is, in my camp the jury is still out if this show can turn itself around and bite into a big bloody vein of goodness. As of right now, its good for a laugh and more than its fair share of eyeball rolls, but as long as I'm hearing people say "I dont think Jeeeezuuhhhzz woulda minded vampires.", I may as well drink Bloody Marys and shop online at Jcrew during each episode just to get my blood flowing.

Tee hee hee.

Chatterbox Sara

As Roy Teeluck from Shear Genius would say, "Hi Hi Guys!" I'm Sara. This is Jim and I's personal and political and multicultural platform to say- well, whatever we find to be funny and tres interesante. Well, I guess Jim-bo already wrote his intro so it's my turn.

I was born on June 29th, 1982- according to my parents, that was the same day Hitler's mother was born- way to give your Jew kid a complex. Later on, thanks to the God that allowed man to create Wikipedia, I found out that wasn't true, but since I'm a Jew and we're forever still in search of the Promised Land for being eternal fuckups, I still carry the trauma of being associated with the mother of a genocidist and strive t o not only be rich and beautiful but do good too.

Ok. Moving on. My parents worked for the government as health care providers. We were transferred all over the country. They also worked as traveling health care providers- so needless to say, I've lived in a lot of different places- both rural and urban. My parents worked in Indian Health Care for a long time, so I've lived on a bunch of random reservations and speak bits and pieces of different languages ranging from Spanish, French, German, Navajo, Hopi, Chippewa, Hebrew- see where I'm going with this? Something fun that Injun Jim and I like to do is trade dirty words in different languages that we know.

I went through a very, very long ugly duckling stage. I was always involved in music, theatre, dance, writing, all things vastly creative. I had an alcoholic father who abused drugs and my mother and I. I had Betty Crocker for my mother- no fairly literally. We finally settled in a hellhole named Hot Springs, SD (famous for Evans Plunge and Jesus Freaks) after I had happily resided in Phoenix AZ for years. My dad said he wanted to move home to be closer to his parents- in reality he had gotten fired for being a drunk and drug addicted nurse. Was that too blunt? To put it mildly, I hated high school and hated Hot Springs, SD and knew that high school was one of those transitory phases in life that means very little, but much ado is made of anyways.

As a kid and teen, I wrote and wrote and wrote and read and read and read and I was really obsessed with high fashion and style and metropolitan culture. I had a nanny named Stephanie who introduced me to magazines like Vogue when I was about thirteen and my parents tried to ban them but I read them all and memorized them and read any books or essays suggested in them, saw films reviewed by them- they just represented the life I aspired to in so many ways.

Anyways, I went to college, and now am 26 and am, well, still in college. I originally majored in Mass Comm because I competed in beauty pageants and wanted to be Miss America and well, being an anchorwoman is what most of those girls end up being. Then I switched to Political Science because I wanted to prove the world wrong and become a lawyer. Then I decided I wanted to do something legal and something healthcare so I changed to Health Care Administration and Pre-Law. Then I decided that I wanted to go to school at USD and transferred here (I was previously at BHSU).

Well, I came here. I got pregnant in like two seconds because even though I used two different forms of birth control, apparently God had it in mind for me to get my act together. I worked, had my daughter, met my husband, got married, got my priorities straightened out and went back to school. I got a degree in psychology and have returned to school to get my nursing degree/licensure. I plan on being a psychiatric nurse. Total change from lawyer right? Well, three reasons. I don't want 90 hour work weeks. I need time alone away from the rest of the world. I need time with my family.

I'm excited to become a psychiatric nurse. It takes a certain attitude and a certain strength of character. I'm also excited because I blog and write cookbooks and someday, dammit, I'm going to be famous! I met Jim working at a place where we speak Jackanese and Jim and I became friends after I lovingly threw racist slurs at him regularly and he insulted me continuously on being a bossy, ditzy motormouth. We suddenly knew we had struck gold. We needed to blog together.

See I'm rather opinionated and I lack tact. But I'm a really nice person so long as you don't piss me off. I'm also really really smart, but I like to downplay it by being funny A LOT. I loved working with Jim and I love talking with him more. I really love to spend a lot of time writing about things that annoy me or amuse me or both. I promise that Jim and I's blog will be jam packed with fun.

I'd also like to mention the fact that Jim and I openly accept charitable donations to our selves- cash gifts, gifts, food, cars, mafia hits, whatever you've got to offer- we'll take it. We are our own charity. Jim and I are going to become Coyotes- we're going to help illegals hop the border for 3k a head. We are also going to write exposes, and continue to speak Jackanese to you and to each other. We're racist, sentimental, dodgy, and crazy. WELCOME!

Oh, and by the way. I'm blonde, I tan, I'm going to have botox aand plastic surgery someday, I'm addicted to designer handbags and shoes, and I have subscriptions to over twenty magazines. I also recycle. Go Green or DIE.

INJUM JIM

On a dark cold November night in 1984, I burst into this world. Vermillion was my first home, more specifically a small house next to Prentis Park. Fast forward 18 years and I graduated from GHS (is the best). I was pretty much an awesome person growing up. Very serious, quiet, mysterious, and aloof. I will admit I was a band geek. I played the trumpet (I recieved Augustana's Most Oustanding Jazz Solo Performance award in 2003). Some people play sports, read extensivley, or torture animals, I found solice in music. Okay so I didn't really, I wasn't dedicated, never practiced, and loathed that period of my school day. So anyway off I went back to Vermillion to attend USD (Insert joke here). I majored in PolSci, med technology, then back to PolSci. Eventually I would go on to add 2 more majors totally 3. I graduated cum laude with a Bachelor of Arts degree and began to work back at SESDAC. It was during this second deployment to SESDAC that I met Sara. We had had a class together before where she will always say I NEVER TALKED to which I rebutt "No, there was my greatest speech of all time the second to last day of class." BLAH BLAH BLAH. My aspirations: do something other than work at my current job and being like Sara. My dreams: run for political office and RULE THE WORLD - MUAHAHAHA, oh and move into Sara's basement. My hobbies: shedding tears everytime I see trash on the side of a road (70's commercial reference for you yougins).
I believe gay people should be able to marry, share benefits and adopt but I'm voting for McCain Palin cuz I hate Obama's facial mole. I hate the Aflac duck. I watch way to much tv yet always miss my favorite shows. I try not to conserve fuel because I want to make sure I use my 500 gallons of gas annually that some estimates say I consume on average. I'm a typical lazy Catholic who no longer goes to church for fear of being molested. Rachel Ray uses her hands WAY too much. My iTunes gets a thorough work out everyday unlike me. I don't miss college but I miss the thought of being in college. I fear that I will be an eternal student who amasses a wealth of knowledge but never actually has a career. I'm addicted to my cell phone. I seem to attract the oddest people to me. I hate spelling bees because homeschooled kids who have extremely odd habits always win them ( i think congress should investigate ). I'm into politics but not hardcore. I'm addicted to MTV2 and Fuse but HATE VH1 because I hate America's Next Top Model, I love the 70's 80's 90's and New Millenium, and Best Week Ever. Give me a music tv channel that ACTUALLY plays music. I'm eclectic but average, regular yet random, and smart while dumb. Thats all.